Highly negative people prevent us from making positive changes in our life. Having to face negative people on a daily basis can be downright exhausting. They’ve trained themselves to close their minds off from possibilities and choosing to focus on the lack of them. Over time these self-constraints pile up to create personal enslavement, which affects everyone around them.
I’ve been there, we all have: those days where everything you do seems to be wrong and never ends up getting you where you want to go. But eventually, something happens that gives us a glimmer of hope. We hold onto that hope for dear life, hoping it will grow. Much to our surprise, it usually does—this is because we unconsciously had been relishing in positivity in spite of ourselves.
Hope is everything, and it is the balm for negativity. Life gives us sh*t and we can’t help; most of it is out of our control anyway. But hope is the thing that fuels our faith. Without it we might as well just give up, for what is there to live for?
In the gay community especially, negativity can run a muck with or without our permission. As men, we live off it. Everyone wants to be the pack leader so putting us in a room full of gay guys could be dangerous.
Negativity is a tool one might take advantage of eventually. When a man sees you down and out on yourself, it can be a solid reminder of his security: he’s not as bad as you, which gives him self-esteem; and self-esteem is so valuable these days that he won’t want to let it go, so he’ll find opportunities to make you feel even more negative. It becomes a power struggle.
But it can work the other way too. A negative friend reminds you of your own insecurities, day in and day out. Every time you’re in the same room, he or she will deflate you, turning your emotions into putty.
The only way to handle negativity in your life is to combat it with positive reinforcements. It’s easy to become comfortable with a regime of “putting up with it” just for the sake of maintaining peace, but that’s bullsh*t. If you value yourself at all, it’s time to limit the excuses and start widening your range of possibilities.
Here’s a piece of advice: the reason why you feel guilty or ashamed isn’t because people make you, but it’s because you’ve done something to another person (or to yourself). You aren’t judged by how people treat you, but by how you treat people. Chances are, you’ve fought negativity with negativity, henceforth jump-starting an evil pattern. You’ve stooped to their level—never again!
When a negative dart is thrown your way, dodge it. Nourish it with love. Never fight anger with anger, sadness with sadness, shame with shame. You will only create space for all those things to enter. Focus on what you’re delivering, not them.
Every emotion you feel inside exists because you’ve put it there. You can be treated like sh*t most of the time, but only if you let them get to you, let them convince you they’re right, will the darkness win.
You are all you need. Period. No one else matters. It doesn’t matter how much negativity your friend tries to wash over you so long as you stop inviting it in; instead, observe it. Allow yourself to step back, observe, and tell yourself, “Wow. That was really negative. I see it now.”
What others say about you doesn’t change anything. You are what you are, and you can change only when you want. You’re the master of your own universe. Everything you feel about yourself started as an idea implanted from another. It’s time to stop bowing down to negativity as if it were your ruler. Let it slide on by. Free yourself.
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