“Hello there, I have a few issues I need resolved please. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost four years. He works nights a lot and leaves early. I assumed he was cheating on me as I can’t give him what he wants in bed. So one night I got a little tipsy, and responded to an ad on Craigslist to meet a guy at the park. I never did meet the guy btw. But my boyfriend found out about it. Now he wants to start adding another guy into the mix. I’ve done the whole threesome, open relationship thing, and in the end, someone is going to get hurt, and it’s normally the older guy. My boyfriend thinks that’s what I want, in reality, its not. Paolo”
Dear Paolo, A threesome: “My boyfriend thinks that’s what I want.” The only reason this will be true must be because you’re not telling him what you do want. If you don’t fancy a threesome, you need to be clear with your boyfriend about that. It sounds like it’s time for the two of you to sit down, quietly and ready to listen to each other, to explore where your relationship is, and what you want from each other, as well as what you are prepared to give. It sounds like you’ve made assumptions and drifted into a situation you’re uncomfortable with, and it could be that the introduction of a third person into the relationship is only a way of failing to deal with core issues between you both that need to be sorted out.
Don’t let this drift, Paolo. You’re unhappy; it may be that he is too. But the only way you will know this is by going back to what got you together four years ago, presumably something solid and dependable. Remind each other of that, draw on that first love and respect for each other, and then decide and tell each other clearly and openly what you want, and what you will give. If this leads to deeper love between you, great. If it helps you both to see that it’s time to move on, then not so great, but the right thing to do! Good luck!
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