So you’ve set up your online dating profile, and now you’re
excited to start meeting new people. A cute guy starts up a chat, and you’re
nervous, because you have no idea what to say. You’re not alone. Most people
have no idea what to do when they start talking to someone online, and usually
say something completely wrong and turn the other person off. When on chat,
people give you about five seconds to make a good first impression, and if you
blow it then, you’ll probably never hear from them again. Everyone speaks to
about ten other guys every day, what will make you seem a good candidate for an
actual face-to-face date? It’s what you will say, and ask on the dating site.
Here are a few tips on what to say and not to say when it comes to chatting on
a dating site:

Keep it Clean

You know what differentiates the creeps from the nice guys?
Creeps ask super sexual and awkward questions, and the first thing they usually
say is “top or bottom?” Stay far away from that stuff; there’s plenty of time
to get kinky once you start dating the guy, but if the first thing you say is
something weird and overtly sexual, the other person probably won’t respond
well. Don’t, under any circumstances, ask for nudes, or weird stuff like a
picture of their feet. It’s great to have fetishes, it keeps thing interesting,
but not for the first conversation you ever have with someone. You could start
out by asking simple questions about their name, age, job, etc.

Don’t Get Too Personal

You want to ask questions so you can get to know the guy a
little better, and that’s always good. But the minute you start asking deeply
personal questions, like what their HIV status is, or how they came out, you
might seem overbearing and scare the poor guy away. These are questions you ask
on your second or third in-person date, and that too, only if the guy
volunteers the information or broaches the topic. Keep the conversation light;
ask about hobbies, likes, and dislikes. Tell them how you wanted to always be
an artist or architect, and ask how they fell in love with poetry. Try to forge
a personal connection, without getting too personal. It’s a delicate balance to
strike, but once you get the hang of it, you’re sure to have a great time
talking to this guy.

Leading questions

Always make sure to let the other person talk, and if you
say anything about yourself, say it in a way that invites the other person to
share as well. Create an open and safe place for the guy to share with you and
never push him if he seems hesitant. You can gently persuade and coax, but
anything else will scare him away or cause him to withdraw further into
himself. And it’s important that you respond in a manner that’s gentle even if
you feel shocked by what he said. As long as it didn’t personally offend you,
there’s no sense in making him feel embarrassed for no reason.

Dating sites are difficult to navigate through, but once you
find the right person, you’ll see that conversation won’t have to be forced at
all, and it’ll flow freely. 

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