Gay dating apps get a boatload of flack for being superficial, but the truth is that most single gay men are on at least one to a few apps. In fact, 23% of people in the U.S. have met long-term romantic partners online.
Gay dating apps are a great way to meet someone you may have never bumped into. When you’re flooded with hundreds of images of faces, though, it’s hard for anyone to stand out. Your dating apps experiences become a blur of sun hats, puppy filters, and stock-image-worthy scenery.
That’s why you need to have incredible conversation game to spark chemistry with someone you’ve yet to meet. Check out these chat starters that will transform the way you use gay dating apps:
No one-word “hi” messages.
Don’t get stuck in the small-talk stage and start off with something ~meatier,~ basically anything that requires a response.
Don’t just send a message that says, ‘Hi.’ There’s nothing to say except ‘hi’ back, and you’re immediately caught in a small-talk loop. Say something about my profile: about what caught your eye, or what we have in common. It doesn’t have to be super clever, but little effort gives off a good impression AND gives me something I can actually reply to and get the ball rolling with.
Don’t put too much stock (or time or effort) into online chemistry
It’s tempting to get your hopes up when you start chatting with a match and find a text-message-meet-cute straight out of a rom-com. But here’s the cold, hard truth: Online chemistry often has zero correlation to IRL chemistry.
There’s a whole host of factors that lead you to be attracted to someone that you cannot gleam from text exchanges. You could waste days or even weeks getting to know someone online, then be devastated to realize within a minute of meeting IRL that the spark just isn’t there.
Of course, you don’t want to go in blind. So to actually see if an IRL date will be worth your time.
On top of all that, if you spend too much time getting to know each other before meeting up, you’ve likely built expectations and a concept of this person that can’t live up to the real thing.
If you don’t know where to start the conversation, go off of their interests.
And even if you know nothing about their interests, it’ll be a fun date and you’ll try something new. Read their profile, especially if they mention their interests. You can lead with questions regarding those. But don’t lie if you have no idea what their interests are. I asked out some guys and tried so many new things, and they were all really fun first dates.
Ask a “Would you rather…” question.
A “would you rather” question is a fun way to start a conversation on gay dating apps. And you’ll get to know how his mind works. Steer clear of unpleasant extremes though. No one wants to be ambushed with choosing between lost limbs and burning houses.
If his dating app profile says he likes to cook, you could ask, “Would you rather have Gordon Ramsay as your personal chef, or would you rather be be a better chef than Gordon Ramsay?”
Ask for a recommendation.
Ask him to recommend a new Netflix series, a good book, a cool bar or coffee shop. People love plugging their favorite venues and artists, and you’ll learn about his choices in entertainment.
It also wouldn’t hurt if you discovered something you like for yourself through sourcing recs.
Ask what he’s looking for on gay dating apps.
Inquiring what he’s looking for on gay dating apps is perfectly fine. You’re both capable of being mature about your expectations. However, avoid flat statements like “I don’t want anything serious.” He might not either, but declaring it outright kills the mood.
Instead, state you’re seeking something casual in your profile. You can also say that your schedule won’t allow for a serious relationship. Even short flings need a softer touch to get them going.
Compliment a physical feature.
Everyone enjoys a compliment, and stating your attraction ignites instant chemistry. Just make sure it’s suitable. Let him know you like her eyes, his smile, his outfit, his lips, even his muscles.
When observing a physical trait, a good adjective is “cute.” There’s nothing wrong with “beautiful,” or “sexy,” but “cute” teases the line between friendly and flirty.
Share a random fact.
Share something interesting that you’ve recently learned. Did you know that the King of Hearts is the only King without a mustache? Bet you didn’t, but we made you check.
When your date shares your entertaining tidbit with others, he’ll think of that cool, fun guy he chatted with on that dating app. There’s something about knowledge and humor that exude confidence.
Check in with yourself.
Sometimes we’re so worried about impressing the person sitting across from us that we lose sight of how we really feel. Do you even like this person? Or are you consumed with the idea of them liking you? This might not be clear until after the date, so it’s a good idea to check in with yourself and really consider how you feel. Are you experiencing butterflies because you’re into him or because he makes you feel anxious? Learn how to spot the difference because how you feel should decide how you spend your time.
Ask him out.
If you’d rather get to know each other in person, you can ask him out directly. Maybe you thrive offline. But be aware, not everyone is game for spontaneous meetups with strangers. We’ve all seen too many sketch craigslist postings.
Cover your general bases: name, where you live, what you do. Then make it seem that you’ll happen to be in his area around a certain time. Suggest a public place, maybe even one of these great outdoor date ideas.
With gay dating apps, you’ll need extra zest in your conversations since you can’t rely on eye contact and body language. Be funny, focus on his interests, and show him something new.
Follow these tips, and he’ll be dying to meet you in person. If you’re still figuring out which gay dating apps are right for you, check out Gay Dating Solutions today.
Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
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