Is it better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Lost love is never an easy thing to get over. So much energy spent investing in him, daydreaming about the future, smiling for no reason makes it’s hard to face the fact it was all wasted time. But the truth of the matter is it was never wasted. Whether you think so or not, loss creates a foundation that makes us stronger and wiser.
I’ve lost love, and it was one of the most difficult things I’ve gone through – surprisingly difficult. What shocked me the most was how it affected all aspects of my life, even the way I spoke. It wiped me out like a tornado scattering pieces of my heart to the ground, and all I could do was try and find them, try to recognize myself in the mirror again. It’s easier said than done, but the only way to do it is to take baby steps by replacing negative thoughts with positive ones. Here’s how I did it:
#1) Remind yourself it’s their loss.
Just because you weren’t the one to end it doesn’t mean it’s your loss, though it’s easy to go there. Stop focusing on what you’re missing and realize that they made a mistake. It’s not your fault he couldn’t see a good thing when you were standing there offering him love. At the end of the day it has nothing to do with who’s better or not, and everything to do with the goodness he was stupid enough to reject. He’s the one that lost. Regain your value.
#2) Play it cool.
It’s easy to obsess over him as soon as he’s gone, but every time you feel like stalking him on Facebook, texting him, or finding out ways to be at the same place at the same time, take a step back and play it cool. It will get easier each day the more you remind yourself how valuable you are. You don’t need him to make you feel special because you already are special. There’s no reason to “check in” with him to be sure he hasn’t forgotten about you. Trust me, it’s okay. You cannot do these things when you’re emotionally vulnerable because you’ll always end up doing stupid things you’ll regret later. Play it cool.
#3) Don’t look at it as rejection.
Rejection is such an awful word because it makes you feel like a piece of trash – you were dumped, discarded, rejected. While it may hurt that he doesn’t feel the same way you do, in no way is it rejection. When the chemistry or compatibility isn’t there, you’ll be playing a meaningless game anyway. It’s not your fault! He didn’t reject you. He probably wasn’t ready for what you had to offer, and there’s nothing you can do about that. It takes two to create love.
#4) You can be sad, but don’t pity yourself.
You’re always going to have moments of weakness and sadness, times where tears will stream down your cheeks and you don’t know why. But it’s important to not let sadness turn into pity. You cannot dwell on it, otherwise you will fall into a habit of feeling sorry for yourself, which will unconsciously push the world away from you when right now you need to bring it closer.
#5) Gain some perspective.
There are worse things in the world. If you feel sorry for yourself, turn on the news, go to the ICU of a hospital, or visit any kind of trauma unit. People are dying, losing their parents, living in areas where war is constant, starving and going without water for weeks. At least in your situation, you are able to snap out of it. Not everyone can be so lucky. Gain some much-needed perspective on the situation and change your tune.
#6) Stop talking about him to people.
The more you bring him up in conversation, the longer you will keep his spirit alive. Tell your friends not to bring him up – those who’ve also experienced a broken heart will know how important it is to do this. But the real test is up to you. Unplug him from your mind so you can start the process of detoxing the feelings away. Stop talking about it – words are powerful.
#7) Throw yourself back into friends and work.
Distraction is important during this time, especially when you find yourself getting buried with grief and sadness. You need to replace the negativity with more positive inflow, and eventually the good will replace the bad. It might take a while but you’ll soon start to recognize your old self again; and when you do, trust me, you’ll be much stronger.
#8) Be happy because you know you’re capable of loving someone else.
Be grateful in knowing that your heart is capable for loving another human being. Years ago you probably were questioning yourself, but now you know different. It doesn’t matter if it didn’t work out. There are plenty of other guys who can offer the same things he can but in multitudes of ways. Be happy you know what love feels like so that you’ll recognize it when it appears again.
#9) Stop daydreaming that it’s going to work out eventually.
None of us know what will happen to us, but that’s never an excuse to hold onto past dreams. Our future changes each and every day based on the information/decisions we make presently – the present information you have is that he isn’t interested in starting anything serious, so why plan your future around that? You cannot hang on to it. You must live your life without clenching too hard on ideas that most likely won’t happen.
#10) The future is unwritten.
Your future is unwritten, which means it’s up to you to plan. There are endless possibilities waiting for you, but you never will if you dwell on disappointments and pity parties. Lift your head. Open your eyes. Your future is bright and it’s time to welcome happiness again. Start your day with positive messages and deliver enthusiasm to everyone. Leave the past beneath the ground and rise to meet the sun.
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