Not everyone can be Casanova, though there are many guys who try to. If you’ve ever been in the gay dating world, you probably have seen your fair share. They’re the ones who try too hard to impress you, have witty pick up lines that are unoriginal, and are blindsided to criticism. But stop kidding yourself, you’re no Casanova either my friend.
We’ve all had those experiences we wish we could rewind. A really bad date, a lost opportunity, that time you gave the creepy hot guy a “wrong” number. Listen, the first thing we ought to do if we really want to meet a genuine boyfriend is be honest with ourselves. It’s not always going to be like the movies. There really is an art to flirting. It’s a skill that constantly needs fine tuning, and one of the proven techniques with the greatest success rate is the “tease.”
Not everyone can do this correctly. In fact, it’s my recommendation – if you aren’t so confident in your delivery – to practice it every day before you truly attempt it on someone you really want to get to know. Get it in your body. Tease every one you meet. Guys, girls, co-workers, baristas, get in the habit and start building your own individualized style. It’s all about your personal touch, which is why it’s best to shy away from those post-dated “How To” books.
This is 2015. Gay men are changing and we’re looking for funny/down to earth, not uptight/flaccid. Teasing is a winning strategy. Period. But first, you need to know how.
Developing Your “Funny” Bone
Before we talk about certain aspects of teasing, let’s talk about the comedy which carries it. You probably already know if comedy is your strong suit or not. If you don’t by at least your 20s, take a minute to review past experiences. I’ve known plenty of people in my life who think they’re the funniest person alive, yet they still are the only one laughing at their jokes. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a very beautiful thing that we all have our own sense of humor, but the truth is, there is a universal language of humor. Funny is funny!
Even if your sense of humor doesn’t match up with someone else’s, there is at least an appreciation of the subtextual comedy. If you’re at a party, and you’re the only one laughing at your jokes, develop a new strategy. The best way of going about this is to incorporate other people in your joke. Once you do that, you’ve just mastered the beginning of a great tease. If you’re not so confident in your wits, here are some tips to help bring your inner “comedy” out:
- Leave the “Stand Up Comedy” on the stage – Be genuine and authentic with yourself. All the “technical” yada-yada forms of joke telling that most of us try to emulate from our favorite comedians most likely will not work at a party or other social event. This is when you need to just be a funny person, not act. Don’t try and be a character.
- Show Yourself In a Positive Light – No one wants to date an A$$hole. If your form of humor is raunchy and dirty, make sure it is funny and doesn’t single a person out or offend people, unless your really really really funny. Remember, when you are at a social gathering with people whom you’ve never met, this will be their first impression. First impressions set the basis for the entire relationship.
- Body Contact – Sometimes it takes more than our personality to make people laugh. Teasing is all about breaking one’s bubble. Touch people’s shoulder, push them playfully, elbow them. But don’t be too aggressive and whatever you do, DON’T take it to the highest level which is putting them in a head lock thinking they’ll laugh, or pushing them in the pool hoping they’ll forgive you.
- Build Up – Don’t immediately go in for the punch line or the big finish or the over the top “Tada” moments of the night. Let it build up. This, in itself, is a tease. Start with a little less intensity than you think you should, after that, gradually allow the humor to enhance. This will give you the time to feel out the crowd.
Okay. Now that we know the seed, let’s get to know the rest of it. Teasing is all about language and action. But if you haven’t taped in to your inner “Funny Bone,” it will only read apologetically which is why it’s important to get to know your sense of humor. Here are some Prize-winning, ultra fabulous, sure-fire tactics to teasing:
Aha! This is always a winner. If done right, it will always put a smile to someone’s face and leave them curious about you. Think of juvenile words like “Nerd” or “Punk” or “Spaz” or “Brat.” Now use it in a sentence,
- “You are such a dork.”
- “You’re such a little brat!”
- “Oh my god. Stop being a nerd.”
- “Oh tell me something I don’t know, genius.”
These phrases can take someone aback, because it shows that you aren’t trying too hard to impress which will relax them, plus it shows that you’re fun. Remember, always end with a smile.
Point Out Physical Traits
When you see a guy from afar that you want to connect with, start scanning him (as if you weren’t already). Try and find physical characteristics that stick out that you can use later on when you get to know him. You can even incorporate the “name calling” bit from above into the mix with things like,
- “Hey freckles, how’s it hangin?”
- “Woah! Another Ginger, thank God. Yay for chromosomes!”
- “How’s the heat up there, BFG?”
One important thing that you must remember is the take-back. This is when you redirect these same phsyical characteristics in a positive light. The take-back usually happens a couple hours into the first initial meeting. These are meant to be compliments, but don’t make it too cheesy. Things like,
- “I was just kidding earlier. Your eyes don’t really look like a pug’s.”
- “You have the cutest dimples. Are they real?”
- “I love your laugh. For the rest of the night, I’m calling you giggles.”
You can even incorporate all of the above with things like,
- “Your arms are huge. Watch out, Captain Planet over here.”
- “You’re glasses are so cute. Did you just come from a Mathletes meeting?”
- “Love the suspenders. Where’s your pocket protector?”
- “Wow you’re a tall drink of water, how’s the humidity up there?”
Mimic, Mock, and Make Up
Be careful with this one. Never do it as the first tactic, it will always end badly no matter how cool you think they are. If delivered too early, he will see it as a competition of come-backs and try to one-up you in a bad way, instead of a playful tease. Think of body language. When you hear or see him do something big or inflected, grasp the opportunity.
Put your hands on your hips and mimik his voice. For example if he says something like, “I don’t want to do that,” put your hands on your hips, make a goofy face and repeat, “I don’t want to do that…” in an exagerated way. Jump on it before anyone else has a chance to overstep you.
If you mock him, don’t do it in a frustrating undertone. Instead, think of it as a game of sarcasm and talk to him like a child. Things like,
- “I think you’re a bit too young/old for this conversation.”
- “Oh please! There’s the discovery of the century. Call Matt Lauer!”
- “Stop the press. You’re killing me with all this knowledge.”
- “Is that what they’re teaching you in grade school?”
Mocking can also be a great way to let him know a bit about you, while at the same time bringing him closer. Role playing, fake arguments, then making up will always grab his attention:
- “We’ll never get along. We both like plaid.”
- “You’re from LA, I’m from Jersey. We can never date, it’s the law.”
- “You like South Park?Aaaand… when are we getting married?”
- “Stop trying to get in my pants, I’m Mormon for God sake!”
- “I was thinking of our adopted children. We should get one from China and the other from Russia.”
- “Wow. You’re sassy. That’s hot.”
- “…. oh. Well too bad for you I just became Asexual.”
These can be super fun, and they usually have the best outcome at house parties or dive bars. These are the cheesy games that you and him can make fun, but only if you instigate it. Staring contests, Dance-offs, thumb wrestling, Trivia questions. These are all great ideas. Get him enthusiastic by saying things like,
- “I’m so gonna kick your ass.”
- “I’ve never lost a game of checkers.”
- “I hold the record at Harvest Christian Academy.”
- “You totally suck at this.”
- “Wow, you’re so fired.”
- “Come on, what are you scared? (cluck, cluck, cluck).”
The most important part is to make him laugh at himself, then and only then, will you be able to get inside his head. Teasing is only a part of flirting, but not all of it. It’s crucial to know that there should be many layers to you during this time. Don’t ALWAYS be teasing, you need to show a softer side as well.
Once everything is done, the next day, text him. Tell him that you had a great time and that you never had more fun winning/losing a staring contest in your life.
Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?