Gay Relationships: The Importance of Kissing To Gay Men

I’m one of those people who love to kiss. There’s something about it that not only breaks the ice, but becomes a sign of compatibility. If he’s too aggressive, it might be a reflection on his personality. If he’s too lazy, it might be a sign of major commitment issues. But more important than how they do it is how satisfied I am afterwards. There have been plenty of times when I’ve written off a bad kisser from my little black book, and I know I’m not the only one.

Just how important is it? You might be surprised that kissing is one of the most significant things we’ll ever do in our lifetime because it plays a key role in mate selection. This is a lesson all single gay men need.

According to studies, human beings have evolved three brain systems: sex drive, romantic love, and attachment. When two people kiss it’s more than just a party in the mouth, it’s also a party in the brain. The somatosensory cortex, which extends from one side of the brain to the other, has a large portion devoted to picking up signals from the lips, tongue, nose and cheek areas around the mouth. This explains why we often ignore taps on the back, yet feel the tiniest crumb around our lips.

Kissing releases chemicals that reduce stress hormones. In men, it increases our oxytocin which gives us a sense of calm and focus, but also might trigger the addictive side of our brains. This explains why we want more and more of it whenever we’re in the zone, not to mention why we might want to fall to our knees (in a nonsexual way).

Scientists have come to the conclusion that kissing is not an instinctive action, but a learned one. Everyone’s lips and tongue are filled with sensitive nerve endings, not to mention when we’re close to someone’s face we pick up on their pheromones (the sex chemical). A good kiss is like a taste of heaven, causing our heart rate and blood pressure to increase as well as deepening our breath and expanding our pupils, but it also has the power to hypnotize. Still, do gay men have a different set of rules?

Everyone wants to be with someone who’s a good kisser and in the gay community, it seems almost mandatory. But contrary to popular belief, kissing isn’t just meant to arouse us or our partners. Researchers have said sex doesn’t appear to be a driving factor as to why we kiss in romantic relationships.

Kissing has been shown to maintain long-term relationships, according to surveys, often concluding it was equality important at all times. Those in short-term relationships said it was only important before sex and less important during or after sex. It’s clear that good kissing plays a huge role in keeping a lasting bond overall, not simply to get nookie.

Kissing is safe, it’s fun, exciting and more often than not, it’s become a way of spotting chemistry. I’ve known a lot of gay men who claim that kissing often leads to sex, especially when situations welcome it. For me, however, it’s more than a test of sexual chemistry. It’s a way of figuring out your rhythms, your connection and a protected reminder of your commitment for each other.

It’s more than just a thing to do, it’s a sign of affection. The more you kiss the more you’re sending the message of love to your partner. So can bad kissing be a deal breaker in the early stages of a relationship? If you ask me, bad kissing is better than no kissing at all. I’m sure many gay men out there will agree with me.

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