Gay Dating Tips: How to Ace Your First Date

First dates are notoriously nerve-racking. There is a lot to account for: the location, the conversation, what to wear, etc. But sometimes all it takes is just a little planning to take your first date from scary to smooth. Here are some basics that will help you better plan your first date so you can focus on what really matters — your date!

1. Choice of place to meet. Very important. Make it a quiet, neutral place outside of your home or apartment and away from noisy gay bars. You want to be able to communicate easily.

2. Focus on the other guy. Since this is a new opportunity to connect, avoid distractions. Relate directly to him and listen to what he has to say. This is especially helpful if you tend to be nervous or quiet at first.

3. Balance the conversation. Don’t monopolize it with a rambling verbal resume about yourself or accomplishments. This is a first date, not a job interview. Give and take.

4. Stay in the present. Avoid talking about ex-boyfriends or any horror stories from the past. Believe me, he doesn’t want to hear about it on your first meeting. Concentrate on interests or points of view you have in common. Deal with now, not then.

5. Positive energy. Let’s face it. First impressions are important. If you’re exuding negative energy or a rigid demeanor, who’s going to be interested? Lighten up.

6. Getting sexual right away. Doesn’t usually work out. Allow yourself time to balance physical attraction with other important elements like basic communication and similar outlooks and interests. Give it a chance to be more than a sexual encounter.

7. Pacing. You can’t take a relationship faster than the pace at which BOTH guys are comfortable. In other words, if you tend to be more intense or serious than the other guy, ease up. Allow him time to discover how he feels and wants to proceed. Let go of needing to control the outcome.

8. Unequal attraction. This means tuning into vibes from the other guy. Be honest with yourself. Often the level of attraction is not equal. If you sense your attraction to him is not really reciprocated, don’t try to force the issue. Let it go and direct your energy toward a more promising candidate. And if you’re the one who’s less interested, let the other guy know as quickly and tactfully as possible. Don’t leave him in limbo.

9. Follow through and respect. Unreturned phone calls and lack of follow through are a real drag. We’ve probably all been on both sides of this issue. It’s really simple. Have enough respect for each other to follow through and communicate where things stand. That way you can both move forward.

10. Special Quality. You’ve got it. Acknowledge it to yourself and let it come through on all your future first, and subsequent dates.

Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?