Looking for Mr. Right? Before thinking about finding the right man, you should consider how to become one. How does a young gay man navigate the fragile network of relationships in our dating culture today? Here’s some top tips you can follow to become the best version of yourself for yourself:
Stay single for three months.
This is mostly for the newly single, but take your time. If you just got out of a relationship, learn to enjoy life on your own. Find the things that make you happy, do things that you’ve wanted to do, and spend time without a significant other. Date if you want, but do so casually. Learn what you like and dislike and give yourself a hard, firm timeline to stay single. You’ll find that when you are content with being single, you’ll be less likely to jump into a relationship for the wrong reasons.
Don’t force it.
Sometimes, we spend so long looking for “The One” that we cause our own little gay mirage. You’ve got a nice guy, you’ve gone on a couple of dates, and you’re forcing yourself to imagine a spark where there isn’t one, just so you don’t have to start all over again.
Know yourself to know when you are ready.
Before you can be in a relationship you need to start with yourself and know yourself. Being in a relationship when you don’t know yourself is like trying to dress a baby before it is even born. It doesn’t work.
You don’t want to introduce yourself to a guy and not know who you are introducing, do you? And when you know yourself and like yourself, you will know when you’re ready.
Set aside your ego.
Dating is not for the hypersensitive. If the one particular person isn’t interested in you because of how you look or how you are in bed, remember that’s about them and their desires, not about you. Another person may want you because of the very thing this person doesn’t care for. Recognize that nothing is personal. Assure yourself that there’s nothing wrong with you.
Don’t get hung up on stereotypes.
There’s a number of stereotypes in the gay community. Is he a bear or a twink? But these kinds of descriptors can really end up hurting your ability to find someone who is a good match for you. You end up questioning a lot about yourself and about who you’re into.
Do you only date femmes? Do you have to only date femmes? You don’t have to date anyone according to any stereotype. Date who you’re interested in and go into a date with an open mind. Be open to meeting the right person, irrespective of the label!
Allow yourself to take risks. Do and say things you normally wouldn’t. Use this as an opportunity to find out how you want to be in a relationship.
Go on a gay dating site or app.
While gay dating apps might not be for everyone, they are a fantastic way to meet new people, flirt a little, go on dates, hook up, and potentially even find a new relationship to be in. If you can approach them with the right attitude — not of desperation, but of hopefulness — your chances of coming away with good memories and exciting new people in your life is pretty high.
Bring your best out.
I encourage you to dress to impress yourself. Choose an outfit that makes you feel good, sexy and confident. Wear something that is going to wow you because you deserve to bring your best out. Don’t go on your first date sloppy, wearing something that doesn’t make you feel hot. Feel good about yourself, and really show your true personality through what you choose to wear, whatever that means to you. Remember first impressions are important.
Get in shape.
When you’re single, you want to look and feel your best. Hit the gym and get in shape! You’ll feel better, have more confidence, and get your next relationship off on the right foot. Find unique ways to get in shape. Play tennis, badminton, volleyball, etc. You may find that you meet someone who has the same interests.
Let go of the outcome.
I saved this one for last because in many ways it’s the hardest one to actually follow. You often hear “live in the moment” or “be in the moment.” Well, it’s especially true when dating. Don’t get caught up in what might happen, where it’s all headed, what the outcome will be. Just accept what is, now. Show love, communicate, be open, and listen. And, most important, enjoy yourself! The rest will take care of itself, no matter how it all turns out.
Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
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