There was a time when gay dating was an IRL affair, based around your local gay bar or well known cruising spot. Now, finding a guy usually means grabbing a phone and browsing your options.
While a lot of people decry the decline of gay bar culture, there’s no denying that dating apps are the most popular method of meeting people in 2019. With that in mind, here’s a run down of the most popular gay dating apps for queer men.
Dating apps are a challenging terrain to negotiate. With arguably too many apps, and so many users to choose from, you could say we’re poisoned by choice.
But, say you want a good chat rather than a good something rather more explicit, is there a way to phrase things to, shall we say, optimize the output?
Dating online is an arduous enough process as it is, we wouldn’t want you having to waste anymore time online than is absolutely necessary before you score what you’re after.
If you’re after sex
Then don’t shy away. The most wonderful, freeing benefit of modern online dating is the ease by which strangers can find one another to have sex, if sex only is what you’re looking for.
Apps like Grindr, Hornet and Scruff have all been primarily designed to suit guys looking for sex. In the case of these apps it’s all about simple, functional conversations that are also polite.
Dating apps run the gamut. From platforms geared toward religious affiliations to social class delineations to ones for Disney aficionados (yes, that exists), there seems to be something for everyone nowadays. In regards to gay men, in particular, the app market is riddled with options centered on appearance: i.e. scruffy, muscular, twink or bearish. Very little are actually grounded in emotional connections—a pervasive characteristic that Gay Dating Solutions, a new app created by an Atlanta psychologist who experienced difficulty in meeting appropriate men on several different sites, Gay Dating Solutions prides itself on finding you the best friends and life partners.
Not getting a lot of responses when you reach out to guys on your favorite gay app? That could be because — sorry to be blunt — your dating app profile is garbage. Yes, there are most definitely some big do’s and don’ts of creating a profile to attract other gay men, on Gay Dating Solutions or elsewhere. Here we walk you through some of them, with the goal of crafting the perfect gay dating profile that no man can resist.
Choose the right profile pics.
The profile pic is without a doubt the most important thing on your dating app profile. So, first off, you should definitely have one. No one wants to talk to a blank square.
But second — and, yeah, this seems fairly obvious to most — you want a profile pic that includes both your face and (at least some of) your body. Don’t obscure your face with giant sunglasses or a hat. You can be shirtless in your pic if you feel comfortable doing so, but don’t feel it’s a requirement of gay dating apps. What’s most important is that you use your dating app profile pics to showcase your personal style. Give people a sense of who you really are.
Using the Tools Available
You have three tools at your disposal to catch the eye of Mr. Future Wonderful:
- your photo (naturally taken in the best possible lighting, from the right angle, fresh out of the gym)
- your stats (6’1″, 190, masc, musc)
- two paragraphs
That’s it. Intimidating right? While exploring who you are and capturing it in such a condensed form can be daunting, there are two things you can easily avoid to make your profile more attractive.
Two Types of Red Flag Profiles
First we have the guy who lists everything you must do to meet his standards. The profile for Guy #1 may go something like this:
I am an athletic jock looking for fun. You must spend two hours daily at the gym—like I do. You must have a job. You must brush your teeth. You must practice ballet beneath the full moon when the new moon falls on a Tuesday…
Second, we have the guy who states everything he is not looking for. Guy #2 will often rock bullet points in his profile:
I am not interested if you:
- do not floss
- do not go to the gym
- sprinkle sugar on your morning coffee
Frankly, both types of profiles wave red flags. Guy #1 and Guy #2 may have nice photos and stats, but both speak in ultimatums and mandates. If that’s how they’re writing, then how are they thinking?
Let your personality shine through.
The “about you” section is where you can go into a little more detail about yourself. What you share with other app users will depend on what you’re looking for, of course.
If you’re one of those guys only looking for sex, maybe don’t waste space listing all your hobbies; stick to your under-the-cover interests (wink). But for those seeking conversation, dating and maybe a long-term relationship, use your profile to say something about your interests or share fun tidbits about yourself. Here’s where your personality needs to shine through. If you’re unsure what to say about yourself, try asking a trusted friend what he or she thinks are your best or most attractive qualities.
Yes, you should fill out every section of your profile.
Blank profiles are scary. Serial killers have blank profiles, not nice guys who are trying to meet other nice guys. So fill everything out. It also shows that you actually care about the app and making valuable connections while using it.
C’mon fellas, message more than “hey.”
If you’re on gay dating apps, we know this drives you insane, too, so don’t even think about doing it! When you’re chatting with someone, avoid one-word phrases like the plague. Starting a conversation with a “Hey” shows little to no thought or effort; at least ask “Hey, how are you?”
A great rule of thumb when you’ve come across a guy you’re interested in is to open the conversation with something indicating you read his profile. Did he mention one of his favorite films? Let him know it’s one of your favorites, too!
At the end of the day, the difference between making real connections via your gay dating app profile and missing your target every time is simple: Effort. With a little bit of effort and thought put into your profile and your interactions with other guys, you’ll be surprised at how much you’ll get back in return.
Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
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