7 Ways Gay Guys Can Master the Art of Small Talk

I wish I were living in a generation without smart phones and computers. It wasn’t that long ago, but it seems like ancient history. The art of small talk is slowly disappearing in the gay community, especially since there are so many ways of creating an online personality to do it for us. With this, comes a lack of opportunities to be the best version of our self when it really counts. Here are a few things to think about the next time you’re invited to a friend’s party. They never fail:

Exchange Basic Information to Basic People

The people you meet don’t need to be the life of the party people. Small talk is just that: small talk. It can happen to and with anyone in the room so long as the topic stays interesting. “Hi. Nice to meet you. I’m ____” is all you need to give at the moment. It’s up to you to decide whether this person is worth starting a conversation with.

Be the First to Approach

Don’t wait around for someone to approach you because you’ll end up looking too unsocial for your own good. Questions like “This is such a great view, huh?” or “Could you explain to me how ___ works. I’m an idiot when it comes to these things…” or “What do you think about ___ ?” or “What happened here?” are great ways to force them to converse.

Tell People About Yourself Without Being Obvious or Boring

Give the other person an opportunity to investigate interests or experiences they think you might have in common with them. You can say things like, “Being from the south, I know a thing or two about…” or “I love that place. It’s my favorite area in the city.” or “I used to work for Apple so technology isn’t new information for me” or “I’ve been my own boss for years, it’s such a blessing.”

You should also encourage them to engage: “I heard you mentioned earlier that…” or “Do you mind if I ask you about…” or “I want to get back to what you were talking about earlier. That was really interesting…” Engagement is the key to conversation. It’s the heartbeat of the game.

Listen to the Subtle Hints They Tell You

When you’re listening between the lines, it helps you know what subjects to avoid. What’s the first thing you think about when someone says things like, “Ugh… there are absolutely no single men in this town” or “My ex-boyfriend was such an asshole” or “I’ll tell you something I really hate” or “Oh my gosh, don’t even get me started on that!” or “That’s totally a pet peeve of mine.” The correct answer, of course, is to know never to revisit the topic again. If it happens one too many times, clearly this person is kind of self-loathing. Try and find an exit strategy pronto.

Don’t Waste Your Time With Unreceptive People

What’s the point of spending precious energy talking to people who aren’t bringing themselves to you? The longer you try and dig something out of them, the more opportunities you’re opening up for embarrassment. Most of us try to go straight for the person in the corner who looks bored, thinking we’re going to be the one that wows them. Get over yourself. Your enthusiasm is better spent with happier people, which leads me to the next point…

Be Receptive!

By this I mean unfold your arms, stop touching your face, be relaxed, and for the love of God, smile and listen! One thing I find that helps is to know your intellectual strengths: what book have you read recently, concerts, hobbies, plans for the weekend, business projects, new songs you’ve listened to? Have a box of topics you’re willing to talk about, but make sure it’s something of interest to them. And most importantly, stick to upbeat topics! Topics like poor health, money, family issues, crimes, terrorism, war, abortion, sex, and religion should be avoided like the plague.

Repeat Their Names Out Loud

There are multiple ways you can remember someone’s name, but the one that works most is by simply repeating it at least three times in the first conversation. Studies have shown that when you repeat someone’s name to them in the first meeting, people are more likely to remember you as someone that made them feel good.

Keep the Goodbyes Short & Painless

Never make them feel like you’re trying to find a quick exit. You can go to the bar, ask where the bathroom is, or simply say something like “I’m so happy I met you. It’s not every day you meet someone who likes the Rolling Stones as much as I do. I’m actually a part of a weird music club and we all like different things. I’d love to get together again. How can I get in touch with you? Nice. Talk to you later. Bye!” Simple as that.

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