Gay dating is hard. There’s no way around it. When you throw yourself into the ring, you’re bound to occasionally get rejected, meet a-holes, and/or end up in relationships that don’t work out. But you can minimize the damage by being conscious about your own behavior.
These common mistakes make gay dating more difficult than it needs to be, so pretty please, try to avoid them.
The fear of rejection.
This form of self sabotage is the biggest mistake you can make when you are dating and looking for a partnership! There are many stories of people ending a budding relationship due to their own insecurities and fears that it will not work out.
Unfortunately these people reject themselves first so they aren’t the one getting dumped. The sad part is it may have worked out wonderfully but the fear of actually having a “real” partnership is what scared them off.
You’ve simply kept them from rejecting you, by rejecting yourself. This is a pattern that needs to be addressed if you want to eventually find a committed relationship.
Being unclear about what you want.
Lots of people, if they’re going to be honest with themselves, aren’t ready for a relationship — but they don’t tell their dates that upfront, which can lead to hurt feelings and confusion. Others are afraid to say they are looking for a relationship and keep chasing people who aren’t, which can cause just as many problems.
Being upfront by writing on your online gay dating profile if you’re looking for short-term companionship or don’t want anything serious.
Even if you’re looking mainly for a physical relationship, you should still value the other person enough to have some level of emotional connection.
Confusing attraction for connection.
People make the mistake of mistaking sexual chemistry for relationship potential or compatibility. You can be attracted to somebody, and that’s good, but that’s only a part of the puzzle. You’re looking for somebody’s values, their integrity — that’s what you’re dating. If they’re cute, that’s a bonus, but not the other way around.
To make sure attraction doesn’t blind you, look out for warning signs like a date being rude to a server or talking about themselves throughout the whole date. Don’t convince yourself that you’ll change them — these problems will likely only grow as you grow closer.
While ghosting may be easier than telling someone you don’t have feelings for them, there are nice ways to do the latter. For example, you could say, “I think you’re a cool person. I just don’t know if this is a match, but I think you’re really great. Let’s be friends.”
Even if they were a terrible date, you can be grateful for the fact that they’ve taught you what you don’t want and leave them with kind words. Wish the person the best because it’s good karma.
Judging people off their online dating profiles.
People often make snap judgments about other users on gay dating apps based on their looks and/or interests. While this is unavoidable to an extent, it’s best to err on the side of staying open-minded and meeting someone if you’re on the fence.
Look for someone who shares your values and who understands that in order for a relationship to deepen and grow, both partners need to be willing to do their own inner work. Let the universe decide what they’ll look like — you might be surprised to find that your ‘perfect match’ doesn’t look at all like you had imagined they would.
Have you found the right one, or are you still searching?
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